The first chapter of corrie ten boom's amazing love.

Plans.human hearts are amazingly alike.

It was about her deepest suffering in a Nazi concentration camp.
And amidst the suffering, there was a true and living God.
Whose reality is greater than the reality of the suffering.
When she was released, she started her ministry everywhere.
Seeing people with the same need - Jesus Christ.
That we should rely not on our own understanding,
and He will show you the way.
By faith we see reality.
By faith we trust.
and that's why God uses her to help people who know far more than her.

Many times when we face temptations and suffering,
we feel that the Lord is not there and that we're all alone.
It reminds me of the story, footprints in the sand.
Where there was only one set of footprints when the man was undergoing a rough patch.
Naturally the first reaction we as depraved man will always have
would be to blame God and whine to God
Why God, You aren't there when we need You the most?
and God would tenderly reply,
I am, I'm here always, carrying you in My loving arms.
In our deepest darkest suffering,
God is always there to protect us, to comfort us.
and it's an experience we'll never have if suffering never occurred to us.
That His presence overwhelms the suffering.

and everyone needs Christ.
Although I'm still kind of struggling with this.
Even though i personally felt God's guidance and protection in my life always,
I always wondered why i would think i will never be a christian if i wasnt born one,
that sometimes in my life i can just do without Him.
and that my spiritual life will always go up and down.
and how im still not very convinced about how i should treat foreigners even after that long discussion in vcf. like i just dont feel the urge to see them in a different light.

Corrie said, believe the word in a child-like manner,
do not rely on your own understanding when you read the bible.
i guess this struck me most when i read bible passages.
given the fact that God granted me a little bit of wit,
i tend to pick up things fast and try to interpret the passages in my own way,
sometimes not picking up the true message of the passages that God really wants me to know.

Although i have many doubts uncleared,
and sometimes i feel that im straying away.
But i thank God for the faith He gave me,
for no matter what happens I still am a christian
and not leave church because of my doubts and other issues.
That i know i'll never leave God completely even if i forget His presence in my daily life.

I also know the importance of having a humble heart.
Blessed are those who are poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Given that im a person of pride,
i think it took me a long time to learn that there are many who are way better than me out there.
that there was nothing to boast about my success or results etc.
but i still tend to feel prideful when i do well.
But it is something that God detest.
and corrie showed that God use those who are humble.
maybe that's why He doesnt use me that much now.
because after i serve i look out for praise.
because when im serving i worry if i played well
not because i wanted to glorify God but for my own glory.
deep down in my heart i know i dont put glorifying God as the priority although i would give the excuse that yes it's one of the factor.
Such depraved scumbags are we!

Conclusion: we really do need God.

the 1st two days of the new year werent too good.
firstly i have a sickening sore throat that makes me feel malaise
and a blocked nose and probably a suppressed fever due to panadol taking for mthly discomfort.
and i couldnt sleep.

which kind of turned me into a badtempered monster.
it was all i could do to suppress it and not flare up.
and worse thing is it's my family members that upset me.

i dont think anyone really realised i was sick,
i dont really want to tell them cos they'll only nag abt how late i sleep everyday
they dont realised i've suddenly been taking aftn naps because im really not feeling well
they buy dinner for themselves without me
they ask me to settle my own dinner FIRST and then SHUNBIAN fetch them home
seriously i think i could have settled my dinner more efficiently by doing it myself
than to call them and get myself into more trouble.

i think no one but a christian can handle this.
well,im not saying i handled it particularly well
because im indeed very upset.
but at least i know that's a God who looks after me.
who made me pretty independent so that at least i can look after myself.
and who cares for me like he cares for the birds in the sky and the flowers in the field.
if not i would have been even more upset,
like i wasnt wanted anymore.

Thank God and glory be to Him.